Tag: humor

Urban Word Fun Contest!

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch

My kids went back to
school today so I thought it’d be fun to do a Word Fun Contest, you know, since they’ll be learning new words. From teachers. From students. My stomach just knotted.
The following
urban phrases/words cracked me up and #3 made me feel as old as friggin Methuselah, but hey…
Here’s how the
contest works:
Use the three words
together in a sentence and I’ll choose the winner and announce on Monday, August 13th!
Winner gets a $5.00 Starbucks or Amazon card (winner choice). *Only applies to
the US
Parade
Maker:
A driver and/or car
that goes consistently under the speed limit, causing a backup of 20+ cars,
creating frustration and your ability to be where you want to be on time.
Photo credit: freedigitalphotos
ProcrastinEating:
The
consumption of food undertaken to avoid a dull or arduous task, irrespective of
hunger levels or the time of day.
photo credit: freedigitalphotos
Go
Primitive:
Instead of
keyboarding or texting a long and detailed story, someone suggests a phone call
as a more direct way to have a conversation.
photocredit: freedigitalphotos
*All words and definitions taken from the Urban Dictionary
*Friday I’ll be giving you helpful tips for a writing conference Vlog style.
*We’ll be hanging out with Lisa Jordan at Cuppa Josie’s TBA! Get your coffee cups ready for some gourmet Joe and tantalizing cyber delicacies! 

What’s Your Poison?

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch

I’m a fan of chocolate. Please tell me you are too! Just love it! Reese’s Pieces, Almond Joys, Snickers…the list goes on.

But if I had to be a chocolate candy, I’d go with kisses. Really, do I have to explain? Romance…intrigue…kisses…Hello!?

If you could be any kind of chocolate, what would you be? And why?
*photo credit: freedigitalphotos
* I’m at my mom’s this week hanging out in Illinois, my poor hubby is all alone. I don’t think he minds too much for the break! 🙂 I’ll be checking in as much as I can to see your sweet treat choices!

*Thursday, July 5th, I’ll be over at the amazing Lisa Jordan’s blog talking about romance and dog poop. Yeah, you know you know you don’t want to miss that! 

What Had Happened Was…June 29th

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch

 

 
Why yes, yes it is
another blog on what was happening in History on June 29th. Ya’ll ready for
this? bomp, bomp, bomp…
 
Pope Benedict XVI
announces the launch of a new Vatican website, news.va; he also performs the
first tweet ever made by a pope
 
I wonder if he
uses the #Jesustweeters tag? You think he does follow-backs?
 
 
“I know, right?”
PB’s response to the ?
“Is it true you’re on twitter?”
 
 
The General
Assembly of Rhode Island passes legislation allowing same-sex couples to
enter civil unions 
 
I was in Rhode
Island in 2011. My husband married his cousin Ben. No one seemed to mind. (that never gets old) It was a lovely wedding, Ben and Julia!
 Also, did Pope B tweet about this? Not Ben and Julia’s wedding…civil unions.
 
 
Emmy 16th Daytime
Award presentation – Susan Lucci loses for 10th time
 
I have a photo of
Lucci posted on my wall. She’s the epitome of perseverance. Also if you
believe I have a photo of Lucci, I have some swamp land in Texas I want to
sell you. Gosh, I’ll be embarrassed if there actually is swamp land in Texas.
 
There’s not…is
there?
 
“I borrowed this from Deidra Hall, sssh
give me my moment.”
 
 
“Moonraker”
premieres in U.S.
 
Please for the
love tell me you know what this is? I’ll give you a hint. He likes his
martinis shaken…not stirred. Love me some James Bond. Connery. Moore. My two
favs.
 
“Wow it’s a jungle out here.”
Oh, Bond, you are so observant.
Cue dreamy sigh.
 
 
“Tip-Toe
Thru’ The Tulips With Me” by Tiny Tim peaks at #17
 
Sounds like
something a serial killer, dubbed Tiny Tim for the way he can squeeze through
cracked windows and leave tulips at the crime scene, would say. Oh that’s
good! Dibs! You must click on this at least for a second, it only solidifies my serial killer idea. Not that the photo itself doesn’t.

 
 
 
 
 
And
there you have it, everyone! My husband’s birthday is tomorrow but we’ll be
celebrating today so I might be thin on comments! Have a great weekend! Any
big plans? Little plans? No plans? Share!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Friend of a Writer: What’s That Like?

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch

Hey everyone! Today is coffee with Jess and “Jane”! Backstory: “Jane” came over and we laid/lied? around gabbing most of the day then decided, “Hey, let’s make a YouTube!” So we did. I apologize for our serious lack of make-up, our ratty hair and over-abundance of giggles. Okay, I don’t apologize for the giggles. 

* “Jane” has never done a video, so her swaying, eye batting,  and uncertainty in her facial expressions are hilarious! 

*You can see pictures of our “research trip” HERE!  scroll all the way down!

Have a great weekend! See you on Monday! 

Write That Book! But First….!!!!

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch

So today’s question comes from  Beth Vogt who will be here on Monday to chat about her debut novel, Wish You Were Here! 

Enjoy the vlog and have a great weekend! My son’s birthday is today! He’s 8! 

Also, I think I was supposed to ask Do you NOT mind..blah blah blah, not do you Mind…blah blah blah. Whatever, just go with it! 

Super Star!

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch
 

Ok, it’s possible that I’m not a Super Star but let me and Mary Catherine Gallagher have our moment. Last week I was awarded the Versatile Blogger award by the super sweet, Barbara Hartzler! We both attended Central Bible College, but years apart. Fine. I went first. Sigh. I’m old. So what! Barbara is a YA novelist and her blog covers writing, faith and entertainment. She’s very funny! 

The dealio for receiving the award is you have to thank the one who gave it to you. 

 
Thank you, Barbara! You are awesome!
 
Then you have to write 7 things about yourself. Well…I write stuff about myself all the time. In fact, I keep 10 random things about myself posted on its own page every day. 
 
So I’m going to mix my award with a tag I received from the fabulous, classy, super fit, (and vegetarian…let’s not hold that against her) author, Jennifer Shirk. Jennifer writes sweet romances for Avalon Books and Samhain Publishing. She has all kinds of fun stuff on her blog including guest authors, recipes, and tips on writing. She’s hilarious too! She tagged me in the Lucky 7 Meme  and so did the ever sarcastic and witty (also adorable new mom…again) Jaime Wright! which means I have to:
 
Go to page 77 in my current manuscript
 
Go to line 7
 
Copy the next 7 lines/paragraphs and post them as they’re written (no cheating!) 
 
Pass the meme on to 7 other writers
 
 
Please, for the love of all that’s good and decent don’t hold this against me! These lines come from the piece of trash, wonderful story in the erotica  romantic suspense genre that I’m trying to re-create from a pitiful first draft, with the tentative title Fifty Shades of Red Pigeon’s Blood.
 
 
 
“Who
forgot to send me the memo about no costumes?” Lee folded her arms and Heather
reached over and pushed them back to her sides. It was obvious she was a woman,
but crossing her arms exposed it more than necessary.
 
“I told
you it was a Fall Festival. For his church.”
 
“You never said church!” She glared at Asher.
“You’re religious? I knew you had to
have a flaw somewhere.” She frowned and looked at Heather again. “Fall
Festival, Halloween. Same thing.”
 
“No, Fall
Festival is in place of a Halloween party. Remember? Halloween-like party I said.” Heather glanced at Lee’s
head and giggled. “Nice horns by the way, Temptress.”
 
Maddox
tried to give her his jacket and she shoved it back. “I’m not cold.”
 
He pursed
his lips as if to hold back a fountain of words. Could he? Tonight was not the
night and Lee was already furious with him. “Penthouse called. They want their
costume back.”
 
No such
luck. Asher would kick them all out for their crass behavior. Amelia hadn’t
even had the chance to go on her first ever hayride. 

 

 
So there you have it. FYI, Asher did not kick them out. 
 
And now I am tagging the following writers to post their Lucky 7! 
 
 
If you’re a writer and feeling brave, go ahead and post yours too, just let me know so I can come read it! 
 
What’s your favorite flavor of Popsicle? It’s summer and my youngest is barreling through them. Mine’s banana! 

Would You Rather Wildflowers from Winter Style!

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch

 

 
Today is another fun day with author, @KatieGanshert! I’ve asked
her, Bethany, and Evan (her main characters) to play Would You Rather…! So let’s
get started.
 
 
Would You Rather…
 
Eat cookie dough or brownie batter?
 
Bethany:
Brownie batter. It’s the only thing I can bake without ruining. And it brings
back some good memories with my mom, before things flipped inside out. Whenever
she made brownies, she’d give one beater to me and one to my brother to lick.
 
Evan:
How about a nice pork tenderloin instead? Or one of Robin’s pies?
 
Katie:
Brownie batter! Sometimes I make brownies just so I can lick the bowl. Yum,
yum, yum.
 
live in a rockin treehouse or a  sweet underground lair?
 
Bethany:
The tree house. It would probably feel a lot like the loft I live in now. And
I’d love to design it. Evan would probably never believe it, but I was a big
tree climber when I was a little girl.
 
Evan:
Tree house. My brothers and I built a really sweet treehouse when we were kids.
Sometimes I’d go up there at night and listen to the crickets.
 
Katie:
A sweet underground lair with lots of tunnels that I could explore.
 
fly or read minds? 
 
Bethany:
Fly. Life would have been a lot easier when I was a kid if I could have left
all the junk on the ground and taken to the sky.
 
Evan:
Read minds. I’d love to know what Bethany is thinking beneath that front she
works so hard to put up.
 
Katie:
Fly. Edward Cullen can keep his super power. I think I would hate to hear
everybody’s private thoughts.
 
Thanks, Katie, for spending the week with us. We’ve laughed, been challenged and have had a great time all around!
 
What
say you? Answer the questions in the comment section!  
 
 
A young architect at
a prestigious Chicago firm, Bethany Quinn has built a life far removed from her
trailer park teen years. Until an interruption from her estranged mother
reveals that tragedy has struck in her hometown and a reluctant Bethany is
called back to rural Iowa. Determined to pay her respects while avoiding any
emotional entanglements, she vows not to stay long. But the unexpected
inheritance of farmland and a startling turn of events in Chicago forces
Bethany to come up with a new plan.
 
Handsome farmhand
Evan Price has taken care of the Quinn farm for years. So when Bethany is left
the land, he must fight her decisions to realize his dreams. But even as he
disagrees with Bethany’s vision, Evan feels drawn to her and the pain she keeps
so carefully locked away. 
 
For Bethany, making
peace with her past and the God of her childhood doesn’t seem like the path to
freedom. Is letting go the only way to new life, love and a peace she’s not
even sure exists? 
 
Author, Katie Ganshert
Purchase Wildflowers from Winter HERE! 

 

What Had Happened Was….

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch
 

Here’s a little look into what happened on June 1st back in the days! 

 

1533 – Anne
Boleyn crowned queen of England
And we all know how
that turned out. Shame on you, Eric Bana!
 
 
1813 – Capt
John Lawrence utters Navy motto “Don’t give up the ship”
I only included this
because I read “ship” wrong and then giggled.
 
1933 – Charlie Chaplin weds Paulette
Goddard
I would have loved
to have seen their silent wedding. And did he waddle with a cane when they
exited the aisle? Check out with the make-up and without! Meow!  
 
 

 

 
 
1940 – Coffee
& tea rationed in Holland
If you ever try to
ration my coffee or tea, I’ll straight up punch you in the face.
 
1949 – Lucille Ball & Desi Arnaz wed
for the second time
I guess they thought
their wedding was a joke. Badump bump ching! 
 
 
1968 – Simon & Garfunkel’s “Mrs
Robinson” hits #1
I will never hear
this song again and not think of a particular fictional character. 
 



1970 – “Everything
Is Beautiful” by Ray Stevens hits #1 Seriously? #1? Wow.
 




1991 – Roseanne
Arnold & Tom Arnold wed again, they divorced later
I’m seeing a pattern
with comediennes and the men who ride their coat tails. 

 

 
1992 – Snowfall in Colorado
Um…doesn’t it always? 
 
If you could go back in time and give advice to a celebrity couple, who would it be and what would you say? 
Have a great weekend, everyone! 
 

You Must Touch It!

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch
Us chillin at the fair. I’m sittin on my butt.
What? It was cold!

Monday, I talked about BBQing at the Springfest and how we rode rides, well my kids did–I tried not to throw up.

I loved watching my 7 year old experience it. The food, music, atmosphere, rides, games. All of it.

He’s read books about fairs. I have too. In fact, I love experiencing new things through stories, but some things like events and places need to be a hands-on experience. 

Like the fair.

For example, I enjoyed a book about women who wore corsets and got ready for their debut, but I do NOT want to experience a corset hands-on. My uterus’ll fall out. It will! Just read about them! I also loved reading about a guy who sky-dived, but I don’t think I need the hands-on experience, but you may say differently, so…

Tell me something you think must be experienced hands-on vs. learning or reading about the experience.
Have a great weekend! 

A Weekend BBQing

Posted on by Jessica R. Patch

It all started on Thursday. Setting up tents, bringing out the trailer and getting things ready for smoking on Friday.

TP and I are part of a life group at our church called the Cornerstone Q-Crew. We BBQ! Our close friends are involved and the big guy on the left, one of our closest friends heads it up! 

This is the second year we’ve been competing and the second year we went to Springfest which is a biggie for us. 

Of course, it isn’t Springfest without the weather freezing us out and the rain soaking us.

Everyone slipped on mudboots and worked in the rain, taking cover under tents when we could and naturally, we let our kids have a blast in the rain on the rides–once it stopped lightning. Gah! How bad of a mom do you think I am? 🙂 

Friday night we hung out and fed people, only this year because of the rain, very few showed up. We have more shoulder, ribs, brisket, butt, chicken, and pasta salad than some small countries. That’s kind of sad isn’t it? We’ll be giving it all away and freezing some of it.

Saturday, we spent most of the day presenting to judges, then I picked up my kiddos and we all walked around, remembering when we were kids and loved fair rides, of course most of us looked at the ground or pretended to be in gross conversation while our children spun around and around, just a glance and we’d all puke!

Remember when you didn’t get sick to ride rides? I miss the fun and excitement. Seeing it in my little boy made my day. My daughter isn’t young enough to act giddy, mostly she spent it talking to friends who showed up and begging me for more money as if BBQ wasn’t enough, she needed lemonade, chicken on a stick, fried oreos, a corndog, and cotton candy. Sigh.

This is our trailer. The guys built it and everything
themselves!So rustic and cute, though I doubt that’s
what they said while building it! 
This is part of our entrance decor into the tent
for the judges and ambassadors! We have a genius
decorator on our team. It’s not me. 🙂

Here’s a few more pics! 

I’m freezing! I don’t do cold!
I’m not sure what my husband is up to
but that’s one of his mischievous grins.
What do you think? 

I’m exhausted today. I’ll be honest. We didn’t win the grand prize, but the buzz around the BBQ tents were, we treated the judges and ambassadors like no one else, our decor was #1 and we were the friendliest people. Other teams came by just to see our set up and to introduce themselves. So no prizes.  But we showed Jesus. And we didn’t hand out one tract! (I’m not a fan of tracts in any form) 

That’s what it’s all about. Showing love and making relationships. 

What did you do over the weekend? Do you like BBQ? Have you ever been on any kind of team that competes? What was it?