Frivolous Friday: Why I’m ticked off today

Today blogger disappeared and my super cool blog for today was wiped out. Maybe because it’s Friday the 13th or maybe because it was my best blog yet. I don’t know if you can win a Pulitzer for a blog, but if you could…well…

So instead I’ll tell you about a time I almost disappeared…like blogger today.

My mom dropped me off at the grocery store entrance to go in and pay a bill. As if it’s my responsibility to pay bills.

I got out of the car, went inside and stood in a line longer than the drive-thru at McDonalds. That’s long, people. A boy I  dated and dumped–cheater–worked there and the entire time he had his buddy page him just so I was sure to hear his name over and over. Before I left he had his lame friend ask me if I’d give him a second chance. Whatever! To say the least, I was steaming at my mom. By the time I paid the bill at customer service, I was so flustered and hacked off I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going. I stormed out the doors, but they didn’t open fast enough and I smacked into them. I pretended it was funny. I was humiliated.

Then I swung open the back door and plopped into the backseat. “If you want a bill paid, go do it yourself next time.”

The man in the driver’s seat turned back and smiled. “I think you have the wrong car, sweetie.”

I looked around. I saw my mom in the car ahead of me with her arm out the window flagging me down.

Like blogger, I temporarily disappeared. Like my pride, the draft I wrote for today is gone forever.

Have a great weekend!

In the Word Wednesday: Dancing with the Star

Today, I am feeling achy. My head hurts, and my son has been sick since Sunday running high fever. So…1. Pray for us and 2. This is short and sweet this morning.

Sometimes when I’m my intimate moments with the Lord, I see a picture, a vision, whatever you’d like to call it. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer so a visual or a scene is how I understand. I don’t know.

I was sitting in my chair having my time with the Lord, before church on Mother’s Day, praying about my manuscript and some revisions that needed to be made.

 I remembered a scene, a vision, a moment with the Lord, from a long time ago. We were dancing in a ballroom. I knew it was him, though I couldn’t make out any real features on his face. The dance started slow and then as the music picked up, our steps became more complicated. He flowed smoothly, but I kept tripping and looking down at his feet to follow.

He lifted my chin and said, “Don’t look at my feet. Look into my eyes.”

I was confused, but I obeyed. My steps moved along with his, complimenting each other. The dance picked up tempo and the steps became increasingly harder, but as I looked into his eyes I moved freely. Only when I took my eyes off him and to his feet, did I trip.

I opened my Bible this Mother’s Day morning after remembering this dancing scene, and it fell to Psalm 32:8. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will guide you with My eye.”

Today, I read my small devotion from The Word for you Today. It’s titled: “We get up again and keep going: Growing stronger through change

When the music changes, it’s time to learn some new dance steps, otherwise you’ll finish up sitting on the sidelines…learn to flow with them. ‘We are perplexed…but we don’t give up and quitWe get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 TLB

Dancing isn’t always easy. It’s work. It takes practice. And it takes pain.

But God loves us. He wants us to dance–with him. He wants to guide us with his eye into a beautiful glorious masterpiece. Only you can dance what he’s written for you!

Do you like to dance? What kind of dancing do you enjoy? Yes, Zumba counts!

Must Read Monday: Desert gift by Sally John

“I want a divorce.”

Those words rang in Jillian Galloway’s ears all the way to the airport and to California where she was supposed to speak to hundreds of adoring fans. But how do you promote your new book about commnunicating in marriage and keeping your man when yours just asked for a divorce out of the blue?

Desert gift, release date in June, is written by Sally John. It’s the story of Jillian Galloway. A woman who’s built a career–a ministry–on the perfect marriage, using her husband and all they go through as lab experiments.

One day, he has enough of it. It takes her going back to where she grew up, to the desert in California, to learn some hard lessons about marriage and herself.

Spiritual theme
There is no formula for marriage. A + B does not always = C. God is the heartbeart of marriage, that’s the only solid and He wants us to love him and feel His heartbeat first.

What did I like?
Sally did a great job of showing what went wrong in their marriage. Jill does everything by the book and plans everything, but hasn’t really been in the marriage. Jack Galloway, her doctor husband, is a wonderful guy, but he’s sick of being a guinea pig. He wants to be a husband.

My favorite characters were Jill’s sister, Vivian and her husband Marty. Jilllian abhors their marriage. She doesn’t think it fits the formula, but though they’ve had major hits in their marriage, they have a better handle on one than the “expert.” One of my favorite parts is when Marty tells Jillian, “Sometimes we even curse…okay sometimes I curse.” But it gets deeper and Jillian asks Marty, “How does Viv keep you from leaving her?
Marty answers, “She doesn’t. It’s my choice.”

My rating
I give it 4 stars.

Sally John

I want to thank Tyndale for the complimentary copy. I will read more of Sally John in the future.

Here’s a teaser:
“When you’re at the top . . . you’ve got a long way to fall. A nationally known marriage expert, Jillian Galloway is at the pinnacle of success. Her syndicated talk radio show is a hit and her first book is about to release. But just as she’s leaving for her West Coast publicity tour, Jill’s faithful husband of twenty-four years drops a bombshell: he wants a divorce.

As her world crashes down around her, Jill flees to her parents’ home in the California desert, wondering if everything she’s built her career on—and everything she’s built her life around—is a sham. She thought she’d done everything right. So how did her marriage slowly slip away? And will she ever get it back?

From best-selling author Sally John comes an insightful and inspiring story about the unexpected detours our lives can take, the lies we sometimes tell ourselves, and the hope that God is always at work, even in the desert.”

What are you reading right now, and tell me what you did for Mother’s Day if anything?

Frivolous Friday: Would You Rather…?

I love to play the game Would You Rather? Have you ever? No? Seriously?

Tsk…tsk…

Maybe I love this game so much because of the writer in me. Good writing is putting characters in all sorts of situations, none of them usually ideal, and making them choose.

So…

 Let’s play! I’ll start off easy.

Would you rather…play this game or have all your fingernails pulled out one by one?

Good answer.

I’ll put up 3 Would You Rather questions. You pick one to answer or you can answer as many as you like, but you have to tell why you chose your answer for each question.

1. Would you rather be kissed by someone you don’t love or never be kissed at all?

2. Would you rather dance in the rain during a lightning storm with your lover or get locked in a deep freeze with your best friend (both bringing certain death)?

3. Would you rather fall to your death with the chance to say final goodbyes to loved ones or be ripped away to a deserted island to finish out your days alone, without the chance of saying goodbye and no one knowing why you left or where you are?

I’m looking forward to reading your answers and if you have a good “Would You Rather” feel free to add it to the mix! Have a fabulous Frivolous Friday and see you on Monday!

In the Word Wednesday: Are You a Hearer or a Doer?

 

Remember this movie? Most of us will say how  much we loved it. We saw a woman in a dead end, saved by a man of power, wealth, and sophistication. What’s not to love? It had a happy ending.

    • 1 million children each year are exploited in the global commercial sex trade.
    • 50 % of all trafficking victims worldwide are children.
    • 2.3 million girls and women work as prostitutes and madams in India
    • 2,000 girls are rescued from sex-slavery each year in India
    • 200,000 persons are trafficked into, within, or through India annually.
    • 95% of the children of prostituted women in  Bombay eventually become enslaved in prostitution.
  • $400 million in revenue is generated each year by Bombay’s red-light district.

These statistics were taken from Beyond the Soiled Curtain by David and Beth Grant, who are missionaries to India and head the Project Rescue ministry which is dear to my heart. You can find links on my site.

Pretty Woman isn’t the life these girls live. Most of them are fooled into believing they’re going to work to help their families, the families themselves many times are duped into believing it and they send their daughters as young as 8 and 9 into the hands of men who will abuse them in ways that would make you shiver. They keep them in cages at times, naked, terrified, beaten.

In a life that seems hopeless, there is hope. There is a light shining. Project Rescue is one of the many ministries out there helping to free girls and women out of this industry and bring them the healing and hope from Jesus Christ.

 

Today, I ask for In the Word Wednesday that you’ll promise to say a prayer for these girls and women enslaved in brothels everywhere–not just India. Pray that God will send people to help them discover hope, free them, save the madams, protect the children who live there and lie under the beds while their mothers work, knowing their life will probably turn out the same.

Pray for income to help build more homes of hope, supplies to take care of them when they’re rescued. Pray for healing–mind, body, and heart. Ask that God would grant these missionaries, who are preaching the gospel, for favor among government officials, brothel owners, and madams. And pray however God would lead you.

“…when a believing person prays, great things happen…” James 5:16 NCV

There are other ways you can help, though prayer is the most important. Another is through a ministry in conjunction with Project Rescue. It’s called The Jubilee Market. They help women and girls rescued out of slavery in India learn a trade to help them economically. For Christmas, my husband bought me a beautiful silk, sling purse. Inside, on the tag, the girl who made my purse had sewn her name. Every time I carry that purse. I pray for her.

The Jubilee Market

Mother’s Day is coming up this weekend! You can get your orders in standard business shipping time.(It might come a little late, but even so…) Pray about it. Wouldn’t this be a wonderful way to remember to pray and purchase gifts with purpose? A bonding time for you and your daughter—who lies safely in her bed, her innocence in tact. Probably unaware, as children should be, that there really are boogey-men out there. 

You may read this blog regularly and never leave a comment. Today, if you would…please at least leave the comment “prayed” and encourage me! Imagine a 100 comments that all say “prayed.” That would amazing!

Today we won’t be just In the Word Wednesday–hearers of the word. Today, we will be doers of the word.

“Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:12
 

* Robin Caroll wrote a book dealing with human trafficking called Deliver Us From Evil. I am reading it right now. I’ll review it when I’m finished.  

Must Meet Monday: Sheri Salatin

Sheri Salatin writes inspirational romantic suspense with a farming flair!  She’s the real deal, folks. A true cowgirl. I met Sheri through My Book Therapy on a discussion board for critique partners. Since we both write romantic suspense, x-nay farming flair with me, we decided to swap stories and give it a go.
Sheri has the coolest style of writing and it turns out we love the same books, authors, and think very much alike. Please still like her! Online, we’ll lol because we’re saying almost verbatim the same thing. She’s great and super savvy–the girl next door you want to know!
Sheri tell everyone a little about yourself.

I’m married to my best friend, Daniel and we have 3 kids – Travis 7, Andrew 5 and Lauryn 3. We are full time alternative farmers in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia on our multi-generational family farm – Polyface. I’m passionate about farming as well as writing. We use creation as our template for raising clean healthy animals.
I’m active in our church, serving as nursery director and AWANA Sparks Director.  When I’m not reading or writing, you can find me baking, sewing, gardening, canning, quilting, knitting and homeschooling.
Sheri, I love baking and covering up with quilts. My birthday is in October. hint hint! I also enjoy eating baked goods. 😉 Tell us when the writer bug bit yah.
I have been writing stories since I was old enough to spell.  I remember as a child, I used to create stories to send to my Great Uncle John every week. He always wrote back and I miss him still.
Another funny thing. I wrote a story about a young girl named Katie Salaton when I was 14. If you notice my current last name (spelled just slightly different) – this was before I met my husband. I had forgotten all about that story until after we started dating and I was looking through my old story notebook. I still get goosebumps with this one.
Oooh…I got goosebumps too. The writer bug and the love bug in one! Who else can say that? 🙂 When you’re writing do you snack?
Nope, I’m not a snacker. Actually, I’m just the opposite. When I get enthralled in something, I tend to forget to eat or drink.  I can go all day before remembering that I have eaten anything yet. I know –  I’m weird.
Nah, you’re not weird. I can’t snack and write either. I need two hands! How do you come up with story ideas?

Lately, it’s been from my dreams. lol.  I usually dream a story, then start asking questions. i.e. Why was she running? Why, why, why.  It all seems to flow from there and by the time I’m done it doesn’t resemble the dream at all anymore.
             If you could be one hero/heroine from a book who would you choose and why?
Hmm. I would have to say Belle from Beauty and the Beast. (maybe I’ve been watching Disney too long with my kids) It would be awesome to be in an enchanted castle and the beast only stays that way for so long. Ha!
So true, then you get a lifetime with a hunky prince! And Belle likes to read at the speed of lightning…just like you! So, if you had to choose a villain, who would you want to be?
Phew, this is a hard question. I’ve never wanted to be a villain before.  Okay, I’m going to go movie/book again. I think it would be fun to be Shere Kahn, the tiger from Jungle Book. How cool would it be to roam the jungles and have no fear of anything other than fire?
Really? You’ve never wanted to be a villain? Wow, I have a top five! ha! What do you love most about writing?
I love the creating part of it. Pulling ideas and stories from mid-air and putting them to words.  I love the fact that no one else has my story – it’s mine until I share it.
        What are you currently working on? Tell us a little about it.
      Laura Taylor is desperate for answers to her past but her sister’s life hangs in the balance if she tries to find them. Determined to save her sister and uncover what really happened to her parents, she will have to trust Matt Knight, a convicted felon and a cowboy who wants to lasso her heart. But he’s not as dangerous as the Servant who will go to any length to keep the truth a secret. Can Laura save her sister and discover the meaning of unconditional love before it’s too late?
      Sounds like a page turner. I’m enjoying the opportunity to watch it all unfold. What would you like to ask everyone reading this post?
      What do you think makes for an interesting blog? That is – what is the first thing that you notice when you visit a blog and what makes you stay to read the articles posted there?
Excellent question. Sheri has just started a new blog and I encourage you to pop over and follow. She always writes interesting things.  Here’s how you can connect with Sheri:
@SheriSalatin on twitter
The Hen house (her polyface farm blog)
Thanks for joining me today, Sheri. I’ve had a blast. Thanks everyone for coming back and listening to my drivel 3 days a week. I appreciate it and LOVE to read your comments. 🙂

Frivolous Friday: Real-Life Steel Magnolias

First let me say, CONGRATULATIONS to THEFEARLIST!!! wOOT, bELLs & WhIStleS! You WON a copy of My Foolish Heart by Susan May Warren!

Now, on with the show, this is it!

Remember Steel Magnolias? I loved that movie. I think about it and I’m reminded of my girlfriends. Right now as they read this line they’re all thinking the same thing, “Oh dear Lord, please don’t let me be Ouiser!”

I had a slight melt down the other day. Something I read sent me right over the edge.  Naturally, before thinking it through I started visualizing worst case scenarios in my mind.

I had a choice. Who to call? My real Steel Magnolias love and support me no matter how neurotic I get. All of their advice is meant for my good, but they each have a unique way of giving it.

 My sweet Jane would have answered with, “I love you.” In my mood, it would have turned nasty. “You love me? Oh, you love me? Well, that’s going to make me all better. Thanks for the love.” Click.

I could have called my “body guard.” Her response, “You want me to take someone out? You just say the word and it’s on.” She generally resorts to offering to beat someone up who hurts me or offends me (which happens less often than it sounds). And she makes me laugh at her violent antics. After calling off a hit, she buys me shoes and bling. So please, say bad things about me in public because Charlotte Russe has a sweet pair of red sling-backs I want!

I could have called my “Fixer” friend. She would have given me sympathy and then proceeded to tell me all the things I might be able to do to make things easier, or solve the problem. Always great ideas and sensible. 

All of their advice is great. And helpful. But when I’m having a pity party and I know I shouldn’t be, I call my pit bull. My ragin cajun. I owe the fact I’m blogging to her. Her encouragement to do it was relentless…”You’re an idiot if you don’t do it. What’s your friggin problem? Who cares what people say about you? Get a grip.”  Now you get to read my drivel 3 times a week!

I called her and told her what I read. Our conversation went like this:

“So, this morning, I was about to get into the Word, but I read something really quick and this is what it said…” (insert what I read) “and then I couldn’t even study because I was sick. Just sick.”

Silence on the line, then in that Lousianna spice–a little loud, a little sharp, I hear, “First of all, yah never should have put anything above the Lord. Yah had that comin.”

“I know.” Sigh.

“Now, I gotta confess, my advice is good, but I’m guilty of it myself. However, this ain’t about me. It’s about you so…”

I giggle. She laughs with me for a moment. “Now, shut up and listen to me,” her sharp tone silenced my chuckles. She spent the next ten minutes givin me an earful of raw, honest truth. And she was right. I was worrying over something that was ridiculous. I needed to trust God more. And I had no business getting into my emails, social media, or blog before I socialized with God first. Had I, I would have been prepared for what I read and saw it for what it was–nothing to worry about.

So am I over it? Yes. Am I set straight? You betcha.

I laugh as I think about my own Steel Magnolias. I love them so much. Maybe I’ll have a girl’s night and we’ll all watch it and laugh because we used to wear our hair just like them. We’ll fight over who gets to be Darryl Hannah without the glasses and I’ll stand in my living room and do an awesome impression of Sally Field at her crucial moment.

 “Drink the juice, Shelby!” Bet you thought I was talking about the funeral, didn’t you? Sidebar: When my ragin cajun or I talk and one of us is feeling sick that’s what we say. “Drink the juice, Shelby!”

Anyway, here’s a few of my favorite lines from Steel Magnolias taken from IMDb:

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser, I’d recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin’ of a serial killer.

Clairee: Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today – you run over a small child or something?

Truvy: I don’t like her. I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair. I don’t think it’s natural.

Truvy: Oh, Sammy’s so confused he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don’t see movies ’cause they’re trash, and they got nothin’ but naked people in ’em! And I don’t read books, ’cause if they’re any good, they’re gonna make ’em into a miniseries.
Clairee: I’ve just been to the dedication of the new children’s park.
Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Alright, so tell me how your girlfriends encourage you. Do they bring you pints of ice cream? Buy you shoes and bling? Take you out and drive you around while tied up? Maybe that’s just me. wink.

Have a great weekend & call a friend and tell her you love her.

In the Word Wednesday: What’s in Your Drawers?

“Oh my…” the wardrobe exclaimed when she opened her drawers to pull out a dress for Belle, in Beauty and the Beast, and moths flew out.

I’m a clutter-free bug. I cringe when I see keys, rolaids, sunglasses, and cell phones scattered across the counters in the kitchen.

I don’t like papers, books, and non-food essentials littering my kitchen table. I also hate cords from electronics dangling for the naked eye to see. I detest it all! 

But, there is one tiny, well not that tiny, but one place, I always let go. My walk-in closet. It’s a nightmare. Really. I have tons of shoes lying about, my hoodies are tossed on shelves, and well, I’d go on but it’s so bad, my cheeks are burning red at the moment writing this. Point is, I don’t mind my closet looking like it’s vomiting every time I open it. Why?

Because no one sees it but me.

Early one morning, I was on my hands and knees, combing my closet for my other orange heel, the cute ones with the wide baby doll strap but it was nowhere to be found. It’s pumpkin orange! A hunter could wear it during deer season.

I heard a whisper to my heart. “This closet is much like you, my love.” I didn’t need further information. I immediately knew what the Lord was gently convicting me about. Isn’t that how it always goes? He need not say what your sin is. You already know and a simple “ahem” brings it brilliantly into  light.  Not that He never tells me my sins directly, sometimes He does. But this particular morning. I knew.

I was keeping things, because I knew no one would see them, but me.

I suppose I thought since no one could see it, God couldn’t  or maybe He’d overlook it. Ha. My disasterous closet became a “prayer closet” which isn’t a term I particularly like, but that’s what it was none the less.

It’s springtime. Time to take down curtains and wash the dust away, pull old clothing out of closets to make room for new seasonal items. It’s time to scrub baseboards and hose blinds. But it’s also time to take a good look inside your spiritual closet…or drawers and get it straight and organized. Toss what doesn’t fit.  Vacuum the dirt and lint that’s blended with lush carpet and replace old stagnant potpourri sachets with fresh fragrances.

It’s time to prepare for a new season.

“Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.” 2 Corinthians 7:1

Question: Is there anything in particular that you would like to read/learn about during In the Word Wednesday?  If so, leave it in the comments. If not…just say hi! I love comments!

Also, I’m drawing for the winner of My Foolish Heart by Susan May Warren this evening. It’s not too late to comment HERE and enter for a chance to win! This was a great book!

Must Read Monday: My Foolish Heart (I’m giving away a copy!)

“But perhaps that’s what love was–foolish. After all, God loved most foolishly. He came into the dark world to rescue people who might never love Him back. Maybe, in fact, the foolish heart was the perfect heart.”

Love is always a risk. Fear of rejection, failure, pain. Issy Presley has fears. One of them is leaving her home or backyard–but she wants to. She’s tried. She’s prayed. Fear keeps her locked away.

She works in the backyard, taking over her mother’s garden after she died tragically and she’s the secret host for a night time radio talk show–My Foolish Heart–where she gives advice on romance and dating. Don’t settle for a man who isn’t a perfect 10 on your list! She’s never met her perfect 10. She’s never dated at all.

Enter, Caleb Knight–an ex-college football star, and a wounded ex-soldier. He wants a normal life in the small town of Deep Haven and hopefully the high school football coaching position. He isn’t looking for love, but when he meets his next door neighbor–Issy–things change. He decides to enlist some help from a woman he hears on a late night radio show. Miss Foolish Heart. She has all kinds of advice to share with him to win his next door neighbors heart.

So what did I think?

I think I love me some Susan May Warren! The characters became my friends. Deep Haven became my home. I laughed and sighed at the romance. Pitter-patter sweet romance. The sub-plot with her friend Lucy and the ex-boyfriend coming back to town was just as good as Issy and  Caleb’s.  A great book. I appreciate Tyndale House for giving me a complimentary copy to review!

Spiritual truths
Perfect love casts out all fear.  Enough said.

Here’s a teaser:

Susan May Warren
My Book Therapy
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“Unknown to her tiny town of Deep Haven, Isadora Presley spends her nights as Miss Foolish Heart, the star host of a syndicated talk radio show. Millions tune in to hear her advice on dating and falling in love, unaware that she’s never really done either. Issy’s ratings soar when it seems she’s falling in love on-air with a caller. A caller she doesn’t realize lives right next door.
Caleb Knight served a tour of duty in Iraq and paid a steep price. The last thing he wants is pity, so he hides his disability and moves to Deep Haven to land his dream job as the high school football coach. When his beautiful neighbor catches his eye, in a moment of desperation he seeks advice from My Foolish Heart, the show that airs before his favorite sports broadcast.
Before he knows it, Caleb finds himself drawn to the host—and more confused than ever. Is his perfect love the woman on the radio . . . or the one next door?”

To WIN a copy of this book, please click “follow” and hang out with me every MWF, if you don’t already, and ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

Who would play YOU if your life was going to be made into a movie?

Frivolous Friday: Okay, so I’m a Stalker. It’s for Research!



Me and “Jane”

 I believe in being thorough when I take on a project. Any project.  From cleaning the toys after nursery duty on Sunday to wearing my character’s skin like a glove. Okay that was too Silence of the Lambs weird. “Put on the lotion!” eeew.

Before I unravel my freakish mind before your eyes, let me preface everything with this: I don’t mock or make light of individuals who have experienced some of the things my fictional characters do or endure. In fact, some of my research came in the form of tragic experiences in my life.
I wrote a blog last Friday asking if some research was going too far? No one said it was.  Please read my prelude to today’s blog HERE!

I’m not a lone researcher and when I need to do something a little off the wall or unorthodox, I enlist my BFF, “Jane.” Refer back to “here” to read about why!

Let’s take a look at a few things I’ve done to get into my characters’ heads. It’s called Deep POV. You can read a great article on Deep POV here, by my friend and one of my crit partners, Michelle Massaro.

We stalked someone for about a month. I chose a man because I didn’t want to scare a woman half to death if I botched it and got caught. (which I didn’t)

 * I have changed this man’s occupation, where we found him, and his name to protect him, although he really doesn’t deserve it.

I chose a local hardware store and we scouted. Bingo!
We looked at each other, eyes glazed over– drunk on our mission and laughed, “Bwhahahahahahahahaha!”

I sent “Jane” inside to gather information while I casually walked near his car. You can find a lot out about someone from what’s in their car. Kids? Organized? What they read. Music they listen to. Please don’t ever look in my mini van!

At about 2:45 p.m. I get a text: Name: Joe. Married. I saw the ring. OMG he saw me looking at him! What do I do?
I text back: Look away???
Jane’s text: LOL I smiled. OMG I hope he doesn’t think it’s a come-on
I text back: Get a grip.
Jane’s text: over and out
I text back: We’re not truckers

…and thought to myself, maybe I should have done this alone.

The next morning I pulled into the lot at 8ish. She climbed in the van. “Did you bring coffee?”

“No.”

“I thought we were supposed to drink coffee and eat donuts?” She pouted and frowned at me.

“That’s a stake-out. We’re on the other side of the law, remember? Stalkers. Stalkers don’t drink coffee and eat donuts.”

“Well what do they do while they watch?” She folded her arms across her chest, clearly disappointed she wasn’t getting free breakfast.

I gave her a pointed look. “Nothing we’re gonna do. I’m not getting that deep into character.”

She giggled. “Wish I had coffee. Oh! There he is!”

“Stop bouncing! Lay low.”

She scooched down in her seat.

“Oh for the love! Like that’s not obvious. Sit up!” I sighed and put my sunglasses on, looking out of my peripheral vision.  I can tell by his car that he’s organized, clean.  He’s well dressed. and he’s conscious about his looks. He totally primped in his rearview. Jane falls into fits of giggles. “Hush.”

“The windows are up.”

I laughed at myself. “Oh, right.”

Ten seconds later another car pulled up and a cute little brunette stepped out and handed him a coffee. “Who’s she?”

Janes studied her. “I don’t know.”

“Guess we better find out.”

On Thursday, Jane came over like every Thursday and we did some serious researching. We found him on facebook.
Then we discovered the female was his friend on there–not his wife– and her banter seemed a little too friendly, or maybe we were trying to turn it into something it wasn’t. It would take more stalking, well, now private investigating to see.

“No, we’re still not getting donuts and coffee.”

“Fine!”

We spent the next week watching the two walk into work together. He sat in his car on the phone, a few minutes later she would pull up–on her phone, and then they would hang up and get out of their cars.

Jane looked at me with wide eyes. “You think they were talking to each other?”

“Nah, coincidence.”

“Really?” she asked surprised.

“No,” I responded flatly, “not really.”

 “What should we do?”

“Well if his wife was paying us $200 an hour, we’d take photos and tell her, but since I’m pretty sure we might be breaking the law, we do nothing.”

She stepped out of the van and got in her truck. “I’ll text you.”

“Do that.”

We had one more mission. We knew where he worked out, his hobbies, his favorite sports  and where he attended college–thanks to facebook and the gym bag in the back seat of his car.  But where did he live?

We needed to follow him. One, to find out if I could without getting caught and two, well there is no two.

After his shift, Jane jumped in my van and we followed him to the gym–where he worked out for an hour. Jane walked across the street to the gas station and bought snacks. They didn’t have donuts.

An hour later, he’d obviously showered, he got his hair cut, ran through the drive-thru, Oh, Joe, there went your excercise routine.  We drove to Wal-Mart. Yes we went in, yes we followed.

Two nights later we decided to go out at night and rummage through his trash. Jane met me at the house and we hopped in the trusty van. We eased down the street–lights off– and I decided, maybe we shouldn’t dig through his trash. I looked over to tell Jane about my reservations and lo and behold all I saw was her eyes.

Just her eyes and mouth. “What the heck are you doing?”

“I don’t want to get caught!”

 “Unless that mask has invisible powers, which I doubt, you can still get caught! We’re not robbing the guy!” I try not to laugh; it’s ridiculous.

“We’re taking his trash,” she counters.

“No, we’re digging through it. I don’t wanna take it.”

“Hey, remember that movie with Ashley Judd and the stalker dug through her trash and knew when it was her time of the month?”

“I doubt we’ll know when his time of month is, but yeah I remember it.” I rolled my eyes and put my head against the seat. “I think we might be going too far. I mean, Tim will kill me if he has to bail me out of jail.” I was pretty sure I could get away with it, but just in case…”Take that mask off. You’re freaking me out.”

She took it off and we headed home. No trash digging. But I found out, I could stalk easily. Sometimes, morbid I know, it was exciting. I also found out people are disappointing. I have no doubt after the few weeks we spent that Joe was involved with the little brunettte who brought him coffee and rubbed his back a little too intimately on the way into work.

Did we violate his privacy? I don’t think so, since, he doesn’t know it. And I didn’t blackmail him or prank call him. I do suggest you check your privacy settings on your social networking pages if you want to keep some things private. Since he didn’t, I can only assume it was for the whole world to see. Are you offended? I’m sorry.

 I’ve retired my stalking days.  Doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on to other things.

I have.



Yes, this is me in “Jane’s” vehicle

“Jane” has abducted me and drove around town. 

“I need you to tie me up, blindfold me, and drive me around.” That’s how I answered the door one Thursday morning.

She set her six-string down. “Okay. Can I pee first?”

I want you to know, it isn’t like the movies at all. You can use your feet to brace yourself, but when a turn is made, you lose it and roll around like a can out of a grocery bag. It wasn’t scary…at first. My point in wanting to do this was to see if I could get out of the binds (which I couldn’t–Jane is married to an ex-boyscout and she knows how to tie a knot) and I wanted to know if I could keep up with the direction and turns. (I couldn’t)

When I realized I had no control at all, I panicked and it reminded me of a incident that almost happened to me when I was 22, when I really was almost abducted. That did freak me out. My head hit something hard several times and the turns made me dizzy and disoriented.

Then at the end, she got a hair brain idea that she was going to “run from cops.” With NO warning, she sped up and started making crazy turns and slammed on her brakes over and over. I hollered for her to stop.

When she finally pulled back in my drive, I was nearly in tears. She opened the hatch, pulled off my blind fold–smiling–“Well, did you get your story?”

“I think you dislocated my shoulder and broke two of my fingers. I said ‘stop!'”

She helped me out. “Oh, I thought you were in character.” 

“No. No I was not.”

Apparently, we need a “safe” word. I know we sound morbid and maybe even insensitive. We’re not. Really. Just look at us!

What’s your favorite Easter Candy? (has zip to do with the blog, I know)

Enjoy your weekend and have a wonderful Resurrection Sunday! He’s alive! For the Passover parallel, you can click here.