Top 5 Reasons I Do Not Belong at the Country Club

Well, I was going to blog about me and the magnolias getting down and dirty at a birthday party, but one of them lost her cord to her computer and has to get a new one, thus not able to email me pictures. 

Why didn’t I take pictures? 

I did. 

But another magnolia got sick of having pictures taken and snapped at me when I told her to lean in for one, so I have none with her in it! Thus, I will not blog without her in the  pictures, mostly because I plan to brag on how beautiful she is, but I can’t. Because she’s snarky when she’s had her fill of something!


5 Top Reasons I do not belong at the Country Club

but I am a member

5. I have to drive 20 minutes to get there and gas prices are ridiculous.

4. I do not like peeing in the public bathroom. I don’t want to sit on wet, funky toilet seats and if I squat over it, my feet slip (because rubber flip flops have no traction) and I slip, hurting myself as I fall against the side of the stall. Also, pulling up wet bathing suit bottoms is entirely too hard and I have not mastered the pull-it-to-the-side thing. 

3. We can bring food and drinks in, which means I have to bring a rolling cooler and I hate buying ice. It’s heavy and cold, and I’m paranoid I’ll get mugged or pushed inside the cavernous machine. What? It could happen! And do you trust the gas station security?

2. I don’t wear big, gaudy earrings to the pool like the Hernando Hills Housewives. I save those for the poolhall. 

1. I do not count off sweetly to my children to behave, then threaten them with no ice-cream or TV when that doesn’t work.  I holler, “If you wont iice-cream get a job and bie some, and so help me if you ain’t outa this here pewl by the tiiime I pull myself up off this louwngin chare, you’ll regret it!” And they will!

*Counting at your kids is like saying, “Okay you don’t have to mind me the first time, or the second, or the third…” Heck yes they do! (The little girl yesterday even counted the next number for her mother) My apologies if you’re a counter. Just don’t do it in front of me, because I will snicker and giggle behind your back. 🙂

So that ladies and gents, is why I do not belong at the country club, but I still go because those ladies need someone to whisper about!

Question: Where do you NOT belong?

Frivolous Friday: Here’s What’s Happening In My Neck of the Woods

                                                               First of all a BIG FAT CONGRATULATIONS goes out to  Brandie Boddie! She just signed a 3 book deal with Charisma House! Go by and cheer her on!

                           Now on with the show this it!

1. I have a head-cold. In summer. Yeah.

2. I’m attending a viewing this evening and funeral tomorrow morning. When I wrote about my best friends being like the movie Steel Magnolias, I had no idea how true to life that would be and it’s just hard.

3. My son is spending a week with my mom and having a ball while being spoiled rotten. I’ll have to retrain him when he gets home because he’ll forget that “no” is a real word.

4. My daughter is leaving for camp this weekend. She wants to borrow my shoes. Why can’t her feet grow a size bigger than mine?

5. Funny note: My husband has shingles–brought on by serious emotional stress (see number 2)…okay that isn’t the funny part. The funny part is he had to go to the pharmacy and pick up the medicine, which happens to be the same medicine they treat Herpes with! rofl.

6. I’m about to refinish my bedroom furniture after I finish up the copy edits of my ms. Pictures will be posted–not in my ms–of my bedroom.

7. I’m still beating myself up for not finishing out the last half of the series Smallville, but dadgumit it just got stupid. I have it on TIVO if I break out in shingles over the distress from guilt, it’ll be there to watch. (and maybe cure me so I don’t have to buy herpes meds)

8. “Jane” got a membership to the country club with me. Neither of us belong in a country club. I’m sure we’ll be kicked out by the end of June. Side note: When I walked into the pool she was wearing a black swim suit and a big floppy hat. I think she was going for a Hepburn look. All I saw was the mom whose son got eaten by JAWS.

9. I watched JAWS last night.


10. One of my BFF’s gave me a present. An iPhone. It’s not even my birthday. How great is that? I’ve always suspected she’s cajun mafia so, I’m sure I’ll be owin her one…I don’t know much about making concrete shoes. I have shot a gun…for research. 😉

Next Monday I’ll be chatting with Nike Chillemi about her debut novel, Burning Hearts. Don’t miss it! Have a great weekend.

 So what’s going on in your neck of the woods?