Top 5 Reasons I Do Not Belong at the Country Club

Well, I was going to blog about me and the magnolias getting down and dirty at a birthday party, but one of them lost her cord to her computer and has to get a new one, thus not able to email me pictures. 

Why didn’t I take pictures? 

I did. 

But another magnolia got sick of having pictures taken and snapped at me when I told her to lean in for one, so I have none with her in it! Thus, I will not blog without her in the  pictures, mostly because I plan to brag on how beautiful she is, but I can’t. Because she’s snarky when she’s had her fill of something!


5 Top Reasons I do not belong at the Country Club

but I am a member

5. I have to drive 20 minutes to get there and gas prices are ridiculous.

4. I do not like peeing in the public bathroom. I don’t want to sit on wet, funky toilet seats and if I squat over it, my feet slip (because rubber flip flops have no traction) and I slip, hurting myself as I fall against the side of the stall. Also, pulling up wet bathing suit bottoms is entirely too hard and I have not mastered the pull-it-to-the-side thing. 

3. We can bring food and drinks in, which means I have to bring a rolling cooler and I hate buying ice. It’s heavy and cold, and I’m paranoid I’ll get mugged or pushed inside the cavernous machine. What? It could happen! And do you trust the gas station security?

2. I don’t wear big, gaudy earrings to the pool like the Hernando Hills Housewives. I save those for the poolhall. 

1. I do not count off sweetly to my children to behave, then threaten them with no ice-cream or TV when that doesn’t work.  I holler, “If you wont iice-cream get a job and bie some, and so help me if you ain’t outa this here pewl by the tiiime I pull myself up off this louwngin chare, you’ll regret it!” And they will!

*Counting at your kids is like saying, “Okay you don’t have to mind me the first time, or the second, or the third…” Heck yes they do! (The little girl yesterday even counted the next number for her mother) My apologies if you’re a counter. Just don’t do it in front of me, because I will snicker and giggle behind your back. 🙂

So that ladies and gents, is why I do not belong at the country club, but I still go because those ladies need someone to whisper about!

Question: Where do you NOT belong?