First off, we have a winner for the Urban Translation Fun contest! This is the one with the most votes:
“I stroked the fake cookie duster I’d pressed on my upper lip and peeked at my subject from behind my copy of the shelf esteem runaway best-seller “Say Yes To The Mess” wondering if my giving him the book off had disguised the fact that I was investigating him for the murder of his wife.”
by: Erica Vetsch! Thanks everyone for participating and voting! Everyone had great sentences!
Now, on with the show this is it!
True story: A friend called. She’d been out at a few clubs, in Memphis. TN. Not Egypt. And a guy actually said to her:
“You must be from Tennessee because you’re the only ten I see.”
Silence hung on the line for a moment as I took it in. Finally, after a snort I said, “What did you say?”
“I gave him the look and said, ‘Uh, yeah, we’re all from Tennessee. This is…Tennessee.’ And then I made myself scarce.”
After I laughed and made some of my own jokes, she finished telling me about her night and I hung up. I thought those lines were only used in silly movies. Someone really used that? And yes, this is going in a book. I’m telling you now.
So I looked up some really bad lines. Here are a few of my favorites:
Guy with the bad pickup line: "I'm sorry, were you talking to me? (No.) Well then, please start."
Me: Again, no.
I mean, if an answer works, an answer works.
It's late. I'm tired. Maybe more inspiration will strike in the morning.
Congratulations to Erica! I thought her entry was great.
I don't have much experience dealing with pick-up lines, but I'll have a go at it.
Guy who doesn't stand a chance:
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."
Gal jabbing a thumb toward toughest-looking man in the room:
"If you don't beat it, my boyfriend–the big guy over there with the biceps of steel–will rearrange your face."
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."
"In Uzbekistan, the U and I are already together in the alphabet. Sounds like your kind of place. Why don't you go there? Like, now."
Oh my gosh, I love this…too fun!
"Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'."
"Yes indeed." Followed by a quick kick where it counts.
(I'm not really violent…)
And congrats to Erica!!
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."
"Or how about C U. Bye."
Yeah Erica!
And I love the "So you're a girl, huh?" Love it. Love it. Love it.
~ Wendy
"So, you're a girl, huh?"
"Good job! Now that you've passed basic biology, you can move on to chemistry…with someone else. Later. Best of luck to you."
(All said with dripping sarcasm, of course!)
YAY! 😀 Thanks for running that contest. It was a hoot.
The best pickup line I've heard lately (on the radio)
"You're even prettier than the girl who has a restraining order out against me."
LOL Ya'll are cracking me up with your answers and the ones you know! Too fun!
These are TOO funny!
"Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?"
"A lightning bolt and a shovel." Insert evil grin.
Have an awesome weekend!!
Congrats to Erica! I can see her writing that. 😉
Oh tooo funny! The answers to the pick up lines are hysterical. Love Melissa and Lindsay's. ;D
I've actually had pick-up lines given to me. The cheesiest? Got a message through Goodreads: "When are you going to post more pictures of you? Because your smile brightens my day."
After the previous messages the guy sent that I never responded?
INTERNET restraining order. 😉
Another for me: Told a guy I was listening to the praise song, "You are Beautiful"–his response? "Why? Because you are?"
Sigh.
They both DRIPPED Velveeta.
"So, you're a girl huh?"
"Today at least."
BWAHAHAHA!
Him: "Good day for weather."
Me: "Bad spot for a freak lightening bolt."
"So you're a girl, huh?"
"Just since last October."
Hilarious!
"Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!"
"Great! Be sure to read my lips: Not. A. Chance."
To the phone number one:
"Sure, 1-800-GET-LOST."
Very funny, Jess!
About 15 years ago, I actually had the – "Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?" – said to me. I think I, coughed, rolled my eyes, and walked away.
I would like to give it a whirl on the one your friend called to tell you about – "You must be from Tennessee because you're the only ten I see."
Okay – Dude saunters up to Loree and says, "You must be from Tennessee because you're the only ten I see."
*sarcastic eye roll from Loree*
Well, I'm not from Tennessee," Loree retorts. "I'm from Indiana, and they call us 'Hoosiers' up there. What I want to know is,
'who'sh yer' wife? I want to call her up and tell her that she needs to put you back on a stronger leash!
Fun post, Jess!
"I seem to have lost my number, may I borrow yours?"
"That's okay…I've already got your number."
Oh my word, how funny! And I can't possibly top the ones other people have said. Jill's two-wishes one had me ROFLOL.
Michelle and Melissa had the same idea as me: "So, you're a girl?" My reply "No, no I'm not."
My husband knows someone who had this one said to her: "Well, I'm here, what were your other two wishes?"
The response: "For you to go away and never come back."
I can't top that! Although, I could tweak Cynthia's "good day for weather response" to "GOOD spot for a freak lightning bolt."
Your blog cracks me up, Jess. Thanks for the smiles.
Oh, I am not nearly as hilarious as all your other responses(cracking up here!!), so lemme share my favorite – I used to work at Abercrombie & Fitch back in the day (back when they were more lumberjacky) and wore my A&F shirt out one night. A guy sauntered up, looked me up and down and lazily said, "Hey Mrs. Abercrombie, where is Mr. Fitch tonight?" Then pointed to himself. "Oh, he's right here." Yeah. Didn't even have a comeback other than an eyeroll and walk away.
Hahahahaha! Awesome post!
My fav. line:
Idiot Man: "So, you're a girl huh?"
Reply: (Said in an excited tone) Yep! My first time out since the operation. Name's Bill–uh, I mean Beverly.
Seriously too funny, y'all! I've been cracking up all afternoon. And the real stories, just WOW!
Here's one on the flip-side from my hubby (he liked your post, btw, Jess!)Apparently this girl thought my hubby (who wasn't married at the time, just want to point out) was using a pick up line.
Back when he was single, DH was at a local dance for young adults. He saw a girl standing by herself, she was pretty and obviously out of his league but still she was all alone. So he walks over and asks if she'd like to dance. She launches into a big explanation of how she doesn't want to dance with him and lead him on, doesn't want him to get the wrong impression, 'cause she has a boyfriend…When she paused, hubby replied, "I asked you dance, not marry me."
"So, you're a girl huh?"
Answer: "Yes. What's your excuse?"
Oh, these were hilarious! I am single but stay out of the dating scene and just act cool for these very reasons.
Funny post!
Mercy! I'm belly-laughing over Brett's, Jill's, and Michelle's answers!
My best idea:
"Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?"
"Oh shoot, I need to work on aiming my wishes better."
Loved your sentence, Erica! Great post Jessica!
Line: "Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!"
Comeback: "And if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the disclaimer."
To the kickin' body line:
"No, but you must make hammocks. Because your belly's really saggin'."
Haha. Very funny and very cheesy.
It reminds me of this very cheesy Christian pick up line:
http://www.christianfunnypictures.com/2012/03/christian-pick-up-lines.html
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