Good morning everyone! It’s Wednesday. Profound observation, I know. Before I jump in the waters of the Word, I have taken the plunge into the facebook currents and created a Writer Page. I’d love for you to take a second and click HERE, to “like” my page.
This has been a crazy two weeks for me. Inside. I’ve noticed relationships falling away and no way to stop it. I have those days where I barely like my husband, my feelings for my kids are on the fence.
I keep wondering, what is going on? Am I hormonal? I cry at most everything. You should have seen me at Potter as I blubbered, “Snape! Poor Snape!” Ridiculous.
And deep within me, I know what’s really wrong.
I ignore it. I pass it off as lazy summer days. I should be relaxing and sleeping in, which is 7 ish for me.
I crack open my Bible. I read a devotion from the Word for you Today. I try to ignore what it says. I stare at a Psalm. My mind wanders. I hear my Twitter chime go off. I check it. Laugh. Send a response. My son wakes up and I fix him a pancake, or toss him a bag of cookies. What? I said it was one of those weeks, didn’t I?
The day moves on.
And during that moving day, God uses more words. He uses them to add to what I already know.
I get to work, before 8, so I read the MBT Ponderers blog. Different Levels, Different Devils.
“Have you ever wondered why things seem to get harder the closer you get to success?” Ginger Takamiya writes.
She begins to give examples, and some of them are as if she’s been stalking my life. A lightbulb goes off. It’s more than what I already know deep inside.
WARFARE.
Not just in my writing ministry/career, but I’m about to launch a new life group at church. I’m excited about the limitless possibities of it. A bookclub may sound silly to some, but I know fiction can be used as a powerful tool to open blinded eyes, be used as a tool by God to rub balm on festering wounds, and encourage a reader. Who knows what book will be the one to help free someone from a lie they tell themselves every day!
I read my devotional and God speaks through the pages.
“People will leave you. It may be that you’ve outgrown them, or to fulfill their own vision, or because they don’t want to go where God is taking you. People left Jesus.”
“Satan will attack you…it lets you know you’re valuable to God. It also dictates the level of blessing that awaits you beyond the attack. Satan will attack when God is about to birth something in your life. It may be the birth of a relationship, a career, a ministry…”
Here is what I already know deep within.
1. I have not been giving God quality time in the last couple weeks (and I know better). Reading a devotion, even when it speaks to me isn’t enough. For me. I need to steep in His presence, study until I find a treasure, worship. I need more than 30 minutes. I don’t need a shower, I need a long, warm bath.
I’ve been in a rotten funk, the lack of daily renewal has made me stagnant. I’m dirty flesh. I see it in my attitude, hear it in my impatient tones, taste it on my biting tongue.
I know I need to dig in, but I just don’t want to.
Then yesterday, I read Jaime Wright’s blog. I love Jaime and her blog. She talks about having a horrible week, feeling blah. Same as me, yet we didn’t share that as we bantered sarcastically on twitter one morning.
As I read what God said to her, He said the same thing to me. I didn’t get offended. He was right. Read her blog if you want to know what He said!
Things are changing. Friendships are taking on a different shape, and yes it’s sad. God is preparing me to get ready for that. To get ready for this new life group, gear up for my husband’s mission trip to Thailand, my daughter has to go back to public school, where she shares her faith openly, and maybe my writing is about to move forward. I’m not sure.
God prepares us without always giving us the detailed 411.
WARFARE
Maybe this is you, too. Maybe you need to take the enemy by the horns and give him a good shaking. I know I do. And that means putting on my garments of praise, and spending more than a few seconds with God. It means pressing in, even when you don’t feel like it.
Refuse to let him win. Refuse to be complacent. “Be sober and vigilant, knowing your enemy prowls around like a roaming lion, seeking who he may devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
We’ll do it together.
Question for you: What’s your last hoo-rah before summer ends?
Wow – this is something I needed to hear today. I'm still doing my morning devos, but I'm just going through the motions. I really needed this this morning Jessica. Thanks for being so transparent and open! You are a blessing.
I so needed to hear this, Jessica. And I loved Jaime's post, too.
It's amazing how God prepares us for certain life changes. He knows. And we usually see it clearly in hindsight, but when we're going through a difficult change, we sometimes forget to look to Him and realize that He's got our backs.
Getting in the word changes me. It changes everything about me.
Praise God.
~ Wendy
I constantly amazed at God's patience with me. It's like I'm spiritually ADD (which would be understandable since I'm ADD in everything else) I'm glad His mercies are new every morning.
Last hoo-rah before summer ends…taking a little trip, seeing some family, some friends, a zoo, and History Museum! Squee!
Thanks, Jess. I truly needed this. I'm in the same boat.
Jessica,
Sounds like you're in the desert.
Sometimes God puts us in the desert. It feels lonely there. Friends and family seem distant, and the enemy is constantly nipping at our heels in some form or another.
We are put there for a reason. He is preparing you for a change. God has something He wants you to know or do. It maybe be small ~ It may be life changing. Regardless, He wants you to be alone with Him. He wants your attention. It's time to be still and listen. We can't hear Him through the daily grind and online chatter.
Awesome post.
Sending you a warm hug in friendship and Christ's love.
What a timely post. This year has been WARFARE for me and for most of my Christian friends. One of them described this year so far as an 'arse-whipping.' So accurate.
I'm completely with you on spending more time with God. I was at my church's yearly conference this weekend. I got to Hillsong London, and the conf was AMAZING! We had T.D. Jakes speaking, Joseph Prince and Priscilla Shirer. Each message was so personal it was unreal. Everybody felt God speaking to them because of it.
Two things T. D said which stood out to me and what you've just said here:
1. The closer you get to success the more people (who God doesn't want to be in your destiny) will fall away from you, and
2. Something is about to happen.
People were on their knees claiming it, It was am amazing experience. Held in the O2 Arena the atmosphere was incredible. And you know what? I wouldn't have given up my seat for all the gold in the world.
So keep the faith and hold on, Jessica. You're definitely not in this alone :o)
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Amazing post, Jessica. I can totally relate. Thank you.
I love your posts, Jessica….
My last hoo-rah will have to be writing and fitting in the pool and a good book as much as possible. I've started sending off my resume for a paying job (until I sell my book, of course!). 🙂
Good stuff. I needed to hear this too. Been a little crabby and distracted myself. Duh!–I am so off my reading/devotion schedule. Priorities, and what's really important. Gotta trust that God will provide in ANY circumstance. 🙂
Thank you for having the courage to be so honest. I applaud you. I needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing and letting God use you as a testimony to others.
I'm sorry things have been so challenging. May you experience restoration and renewal as you hang out with your Heavenly Father.
Hugs to you, Jesse.
Yet another awesome post!
To be honest, I'm waiting for my hit to come. Just started with a youth group. There are so many teens in the area that needs God that I can't see how I'll get away without one attack.
It will come. I just don't know where or when . But already knowing it makes things better.
🙂
Afternoon, everyone! Thanks for all the encouraging words.
Glad I could minister to you, and above all, your comments have really touched me! I love you guys! 🙂
It's a good thing no one is here right now to see me bawling my eyes out. I've been through such a rough patch this year and I've been struggling in a lot of ways. Your post touched on some very important things that I've let fall by the wayside. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us for you can't know how much you bless others in doing so. *biggest hugs*
I love your honesty, Jessica! Good luck with all your doing.
Isn't it so true that things are darkest right before something great happens? I've seen it in my writing journey this year. It's been a hard road but also a blessing as I learn to trust Him more.
Hang in there! My husband always tells me: "If you are on the goal line about to score – that's when the enemy will strike the hardest!"
You are about to SCORE in God's kingdom!
I "liked" your writer page on FB. If you are interested, I just stared my writer/speaker page at: http://www.facebook.com/titus2inaction
Thanks for your transparency! Sounds like you've been under attack. It's great that you realize the need to dig into God's Word and continue to praise Him – having confidence that He'll be with you in this new place where He's leading you. Hang in there!
Last hoorah? Enjoying spending time with family!
Beautiful post, Jessica. Reminds me that it's important to step back and remember the things you value you most in your life.
Good for you for sharing such personal thoughts with us.