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Today, I’d like to welcome Staci Stallings to my blog. Say hey, everyone! Staci is the author of the book The Price of Silence.
Take it away, Staci, and thanks for blogging here today!
Forgiving is Hard
One of the most difficult things about being a mom is walking your children through lifeâs really tough lessons. You can be floating along just fine, never even seeing the storm clouds gathering, when suddenly youâre caught in a maelstrom.
Thatâs what happened the other day with my son. Now heâs eight and very soft-hearted. He makes it a point to be nice to everyone (other than, of course, his two sisters). He takes things in very deeply. No surface living for him!
Heâs also highly creative and he wants to be acknowledged for the good ideas he comes up with. Sometimes thatâs a challenge in second grade. Okay, it doesnât get any easier after second grade either, but weâll deal with that later.
So the other day he gets in the van after school. I asked how his day was, and he said, âBad.â Now he has âApril Fooledâ me numerous times coming back with ânot really it was great!â But not this time. No, this time, bad went from bad to really bad to absolutely horrible in a matter of a heartbeat.
âMom, Anna* stole my idea!â (*not her real name)
âWhat do you mean she stole your idea?â
âI had this idea to make a big card for one of the teachers from the whole class, and she stole my idea. She told the teacher about it, and the teacher was all happy and excited and saying what a good kid she was. It wasnât her idea! It was MINE!â
By now big crocodile tears were rolling down his little cheeks.
âWell, maybe she didnât mean to steal it. Maybe she just thought it was a good idea.â
âThen why didnât she say it was mine. She just let them think it was hers.â He folded his arms. âIâm not going to sign that big card. Itâs not fair! Iâm going to just make my own and see how they like that.â
âNow, sweetheart, I realize youâre upsetâŠâ
âAnd next time Iâm going to steal one of her ideas and not tell anybody it was hers. Then she can see how this feels. I bet she wonât like it very much.â
You really canât make this stuff up, you know?
âListen, I donât know why she did it, but think about it this way, the teacher really liked your idea even if she was the one that said it.â
âYeah, but they think it was hers, and theyâre all, âOh, thatâs such a great idea. Youâre so smart.â I bet sheâd be mad too if I took her idea like that and didnât tell anybody. Iâm going to do that to her and see how she likes it.â
Thatâs when I realized he was really going to need some help getting through this. It wasnât just a thing he was going to get through. He wouldnât forget it in five minutes. This was real to him. He was angry and hurt, and carrying that around wasnât going to do anyone any good.
So, I said, âI think youâre going to have to try to forgive her.â
âForgive her? Mom! She doesnât deserve to be forgiven! Besides I want to get even with her. I want her to feel like I do right now.â
âI know, but thatâs not good for you. That is just going to make you mad and miserable. Itâs not going to change what happened at school.â
âBut itâs not fair, Mom. That was my idea and no one even knows that!â
âI know, and I donât know why she took your idea without telling anyone. Maybe she just thought it was a good idea and mentioned it. Maybe she didnât mean to steal it, it just happened.â
âWell, Iâm still mad at her.â
âI know. But I think maybe you should think about trying to forgive herâeven if she doesnât deserve it. You know, weâve talked about forgiveness at home. When you say youâre sorry or they say theyâre sorry.â
âBut she didnât even say she was sorry. I donât even think she is.â
âYouâre probably right, maybe she isnât even sorry, but that doesnât mean you can stay mad. Itâs still important to forgive her⊠for you.â
âBut, Mom. Forgiving is hard! I donât want to forgive her. I want to be mad at her.â
âI know. Forgiving is hard. Thatâs why a lot of the time we have to ask God to help us to forgive because if it was up to us, weâd just stay mad all the time. But that doesnât fix anything. It just makes us sad and mad and hurt. Thatâs no fun. But God will help you to forgive her even though itâs hard.â
About this time the tears stopped, and I could see peace come over him.
âJust think about it,â I said.
You know, forgiving is hard. And the worse whatever the other person did, the harder it is to forgive. But when itâs right and you know itâs right but itâs hard, thatâs when you know you need God. God is there to help you and guide you through those rough patches when you really donât want to do the right thing, when doing the wrong thing sure sounds easier and more logical.
But Godâs logical will help you find real peace. The other is just a long road of misery.
By the time we got home that night, my son was in much better spirits and the next day he not only signed the big card, he included his little card with it. So maybe he learned a good lesson. I know I did.
Thanks, Staci! I’ve learned many lessons from my kids. I’m thankful He’s there to guide me through things I don’t really want to do. When I obey, the peace truly is sweet!
Although Staci lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, she touches the lives of people across the globe every week with her various Internet endeavors including:
Books In Print, Kindle, & FREE on Spirit Light Works:
Spirit Light Books–The Blog
And⊠Staciâs website Go visit!
Connect with her on Twitter
Have a great weekend, everyone! Leave a comment for Staci if you would be so kind…and I know you are! đ
On Monday, come back to meet my special friend, writer Lacie Nezbeth!
On Monday, come back to meet my special friend, writer Lacie Nezbeth!
I know how your son felt. Forgiving – especially when you may never get the "I'm sorry" you want – is one of the toughest things ever to do! Makes me want to stomp my foot and throw a fit sometimes. Thanks for the reminder that it's the best thing for us and that God's big enough to help us forgive.
Aw that's so sad. I've been there too. (All of us have.) Your advice was very vise and something adults have to be reminded of. Our first intention is always to hit back.
The sad thing is, if your son did steal the girl's idea, the girl probably wouldn't even know why.
That's a lesson that a LOT of us grownups could take to heart. It's amazing how God can use our kids to grow us!
Thanks for sharing that story.
Forgiving is never easy but it is so healing in the end.
It's funny, about a week later, my son got to teach his big sister the same lesson when someone at school was driving her crazy. Seems that lesson is never very far away no matter how old we get.
Thanks for reading today!
Forgiveness IS hard! Loved the story. I always seem to learn something myself when I'm trying to teach my kiddo something. đ
Aww what a sweet story! Poor guy. You gave some great advice! Thanks for the reminder.
What a great lesson for ALL of us – so glad he learned – and you know he really did if he taught it. Thank you!
Great interview and great reminder.:)
Wonderful to meet you, Staci! This was a great post. It was really convicting for me. Thanks for sharing your story!
-Lizzie